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Tumult by ~small-hope:iconsmall-hope:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Sonnet


Systematic retribution of the tumultuous soul
Begins with one's head in a blood filled bowl,
And ends in reckless insanity writhing -
A sickened idealist whose demons are thriving.
But return to the beginning, flesh and all,
Where the tumultuous soul was hitting the wall.
With shame inflamed faces friends watched his demise
With quaint little interest and the emotion 'to despise';
And the littlest hand led the tumultuous soul
With the littlest sigh, to the littlest foal -
And said, 'Take it and raise it and let it breathe free.'
To which he replied through a guise solit'ry -
'I shall, small angel, and my life I do pledge.'
A week later, it dies, below a damp weathered hedge.
©2009 ~small-hope
:iconsmall-hope:

Author's Comments

Feeling passionate and angsty somewhere. As usual I can't feel much unless I'm feeling too much. Hence the intellectual language combined with overly dramatic images.
I don't know - critique/slap in the face is welcome. Quite honestly.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconunderground-rogue:
~Underground-Rogue Jan 15, 2009, 4:02:26 AM
I love it.
The fourth line - woah.
The last bit... oh my God. Completely threw me, broke my heart and left me thinking 'OH GOD, BITTER IRONY that is awesome but not for the dead thing'.
Not sure about the repetition of the title 'tumultous soul'... it seems a little overdone, but in an underdone fashion.
*pause*
I mean, if it was used a few more times and more clearly, it would work, but as it is, it looks like you've used the same term twice by accident, does that make sense?
Might just be me. Goddamn, I'm tired. But this is a great poem.

--
Searching my heart for it's true sorrow
This is what I find to be:
That I am weary of words and people
Sick of the city, wanting the sea.
:iconvertigoart:
=VertigoArt Jan 15, 2009, 4:02:43 AM
Its an interesting piece. The verbal imagery is nice and the rhythm of the piece is solid.

--
Shameless Plug

You may purchase my new book,

Poetic Visions of an Uncut Mind

at this address: [link]
:iconsmall-hope:
~small-hope Jan 15, 2009, 4:05:15 AM
(sequence) *gets happy, puffs up, pets worriedly, laughs, ponders and understands completely after second explanation*

I understand - I might make that change if I get the chance.

- S.H.

--
'I just had to kill a lot of people!'
- Patrick Bateman
:iconunderground-rogue:
~Underground-Rogue Jan 15, 2009, 4:13:00 AM
*grins* It wouldn't be me if it didn't use long-winded explanations.

I figured if I personify the car, it makes things easier. Help me find a name for him.

--
Searching my heart for it's true sorrow
This is what I find to be:
That I am weary of words and people
Sick of the city, wanting the sea.
:iconsmall-hope:
~small-hope Jan 15, 2009, 4:23:21 AM
Thanks. :hug:

- S.H.

--
'I just had to kill a lot of people!'
- Patrick Bateman
:iconvertigoart:
=VertigoArt Jan 15, 2009, 4:24:04 AM
:)

--
Shameless Plug

You may purchase my new book,

Poetic Visions of an Uncut Mind

at this address: [link]
:iconsmall-hope:
~small-hope Jan 15, 2009, 5:17:52 AM
True, dear friend. True.

Call it Fuzzbutt. Or if you wanna go cyborg name - Fzzbtt.

- S.H.

--
'I just had to kill a lot of people!'
- Patrick Bateman
:iconunderground-rogue:
~Underground-Rogue Jan 15, 2009, 5:20:23 AM
Or Fizzgig.

--
Searching my heart for it's true sorrow
This is what I find to be:
That I am weary of words and people
Sick of the city, wanting the sea.
:iconsmall-hope:
~small-hope Jan 15, 2009, 6:36:06 AM
Does is make tantrum noises other than when you stall?

- S.H.

--
'I just had to kill a lot of people!'
- Patrick Bateman
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